What’s been on my mind lately… Changing my story, changing my health I am 55 years old and I weigh 258 pounds. I weighed 107 when I was in high school and How and why to read the entire Bible in a year Every year I spend New Year's Eve (the whole day) contemplating the coming year. Things on the list to be News Feed OK Boomer I shared this article on Facebook this morning, because it's a topic that is near and dear to my heart Things teachers need parents to know that parents don’t want to hear As a public school teacher who has been dealing with other people's children all day, every day, since 2006, I Normalizing our experiences through kinship with strangers I read this story on Humans of New York this morning and was reminded that this is similar to how I Being humbled and learning to be humble "Only the humble soul can be led. Only the humble soul is coachable. Only the humble soul can truly advance When the pain of NOT doing something becomes greater than the pain of doing it On June 8th, 2018, I fell off my bicycle and broke my leg into five pieces. My leg broke at Finding the joy when you’re under stress Experiencing joy when things are not going our way is easier said than done, but essential on the path to Patience in a moment of anger I wish I were better at taking a breath and being patient in a moment of anger, and I wish « Previous 1 … 9 10 11 12 13 Next »
Changing my story, changing my health Ceilon Aspensen, January 1, 2020January 2, 2022 Ceilon at 258 pounds. I am 55 years old and I weigh 258 pounds. I weighed 107 when I was in high school and when I got pregnant with my daughter. During my pregnancy I topped out at 157 pounds and dropped to 125 pounds when I left the hospital after my daughter was born. I maintained a weight of between 118 and 135 pounds all through my twenties and early thirties. By my 33rd birthday my weight had crept up to 145 pounds…then 150 by my 35th birthday…then 200 by my 36th birthday… Once, while getting a massage, I found myself apologizing for how fat I (thought) I was at 150 pounds, and instead of doing what most women do when a friend is complaining about being fat (“You’re not fat! You look great!”), the massage therapist disrupted my automatic body-shaming conversation with this: “So, why do you think you got fat?” I was so startled that I answered with the first thing that jumped into my head: “I think I was trying to become impervious but I just got fat instead.” Ceilon in 1987 at 125 pounds. Wow. That massage turned out to be more valuable than a therapy session and although it wasn’t any less expensive I gained some deep insight into my dysfunctional relationship with my body and I got a massage out of it. It’s amazing how powerful the right question can be. If only I’d acted on that information right then, when I was 35. Why I didn’t could fill several very drama-filled books. Suffice it to say I wasn’t ready to act on it. Simply taking in the full meaning of my knee-jerk response to that question blew my mind for several more years. Then as time went on I got used to being fat. So, why am I telling you this? Because it’s the New Year and that’s the traditional time that overweight women everywhere resolve to “lose weight.” Ceilon in high school at 107 pounds. But it’s not that simple is it? It certainly wasn’t that simple putting on the weight. The reason I told you what I weighed at all those different ages is so you can see that the first twenty-five pounds I gained were a slow, gradual progression; but the next fifty pounds came on very suddenly. I had a health issue at that time that required me to take a medication that slowed down my thyroid to a crawl. I only had to take the medication for six years but the medication slowed down my thyroid forever. I gained forty pounds in just a couple of months right after I started taking that medication. The last ten pounds crept on more slowly. You’re probably thinking, “Well, maybe if you’d just get off your butt and get moving you could lose some weight.” Trust me–if being active guaranteed weight loss I’d have been back down to 107 pounds a long time ago. I am a very active person. I have been hiking, walking, bicycling, alpine skiing, snowshoeing, Nordic skiing, and kayaking for decades. I put between 9,000 and 11,000 steps/day on my Fitbit every day just in my classroom (that’s how much teachers are on their feet on the job). I had to change some of my activities after I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in 2015 (I don’t go alpine skiing any more, and I’ve cut back on the Nordic skiing). I haven’t been quite as active since I broke my leg so badly in June of 2018; but that changes this year now that my leg is finally back to full function. Ceilon in 1984 at 118 pounds. Yes, metabolism slows as we age. In my case it was more than that (the thyroid-slowing medication). And then there’s that thing I revealed about myself to the massage therapist: “I think I was trying to become impervious but I just got fat instead.” In that moment of realization I was confronted with the fact that I was in an abusive relationship and putting on weight was my unconscious way of “protecting” myself. My point is this: we all have stories about, and reasons for, our weight gain and difficulty losing the weight. The reasons and the stories work together to keep us from achieving our best possible health. Until we unravel those stories and reasons, any weight loss goals we arbitrarily set for ourselves are doomed to fail. Ceilon in 1982 at 125 pounds. I have decided to accept the reasons for why I have been carrying this weight around for so long. I have decided to change the story I tell myself about why I need this extra weight. I have been carrying around the weight of an entire extra person for fifteen years. I’m tired of carrying her around. She needs to get off and go bum a ride with someone else. If you are someone who faces similar challenges, I invite you to join me this year on a journey to change our story and improve our health. I’ll be posting what I’m doing, how it’s working, and what I’m learning here every day this year. What is the biggest health challenge that you face that you might be able to do something about? How might you begin to change your story? Comment in the area below and we can have a conversation and support each other in our efforts. Ceilon in 2000 at 150 pounds. Ceilon in June 2018 at 273 pounds. Ceilon in March at 258 pounds. Ceilon in May 2019 at 258 pounds.
How and why to read the entire Bible in a year Ceilon Aspensen, January 1, 2020February 25, 2024 Every year I spend New Year’s Eve (the whole day) contemplating the coming year. Things on the list to be considered include setting goals (like everyone else), examining my finances, considering my health, and–most importantly to me–reflecting on the state of my spiritual health. Prior to beginning this project, I had just been through a very rough five years, especially in the last year and half of that period. In the last six months of that time, I’d been experiencing a snowball effect of accumulating trials and tribulations triggered by my very badly broken leg in June 2018. I’d also taken big, positive steps to mitigate the damage and turn that around, and they were working. But one area that I felt had been lacking was in my spiritual life. I have been reading through the Bible since September 1997. For the first eight years I did it every single day without fail. That took me through the Old Testament eight times, the New Testament 16 times, the Psalms thirty-two times, and the proverbs ninety-six times. Nine years into this routine the process sort of fell flat with me, so I looked for other ways to center myself and found them. However, they were no replacement for reading the Bible every day, although it took me another fifteen years to figure that out. Why I started reading the Bible every day is a topic for another book (which I fully intend to write). Why I resumed the practice in January of 2020 is something I’m still figuring out, but already that still center has returned to my life, and it is directly connected to doing this process. Reading the Bible every day is not about legalism or piety. It is about centering myself, and finding that still, quiet space inside me that is directly connected to the Creative Force of the Universe. You may call that God if it makes you feel more comfortable (that’s what I call it; God has many names—use the one that works for you). Reading the Bible every day is about listening to that still, small voice inside us; the one that gives us insight and wisdom and speaks to us usually through our gut feelings. It’s about training ourselves to hear that voice and trust it. How does that centering process work? I don’t know, exactly. What I do know is that it does work, and I have identified patterns in the process, but you will have to figure that out for yourself. No one can walk the Path for you. We must all do our own internal work. On New Year 2020, I decided to resume the practice of faithfully reading the Bible every day to see if it would spiritually re-root me. It occurred to me that there may be others out there feeling the same need for a spiritual reboot, so I created a FREE worksheet that provides 366 days of daily readings (to account for a leap year). I always find organizational tools like this helpful. You can get the FREE worksheet here. Downloading the FREE worksheet will get you FREE lifetime access to my Facebook group for anyone who decides they want to try to read the Bible through in a year. Meanwhile, back to the “why” of reading the Bible every day, and my method of approaching it… There are roughly twice as many Old Testament books as New Testament books. There are one hundred and fifty Psalms and thirty one Proverbs. If you follow my method you will go through the Old Testament once a year, the New Testament twice a year, the Psalms four times a year, and the Proverbs twelve times a year. Here’s why I have laid it out that way: The Old Testament shows us where humans were and how they got there, before the teachings of Jesus. The New Testament shows us how Jesus “disrupted” that status quo with his revolutionary ideas, and set us on a new path that favors love and forgiveness over fear, punishment, and retribution. The Psalms teach us how to pray. The Proverbs teach us how to live. One day I may expound upon the importance of those items, what I think about them, specifically, and how I figured out that that’s why the four-fold reading process is important. For now I think it’s important for you to discover that for yourself. Every person must walk their own path and find their own way, and the Creative Force of the Universe leads each of us to the path that is meant specifically for us. You may eventually find a different way to read the Bible every day that works better for you, and that would be wonderful. This is just for getting you started and helping you establish the practice. In case you are wondering, I tried a lot of other ways to do this in the fifteen years that I did not read the Bible every single day, but none of them worked for me. I know the importance of having a tangible guide through uncharted territory; but that’s all my method is—it’s just a guide. Nothing bad will happen to you if you don’t use it. Nothing spectacularly marvelous will happen to you if you do. The Bible is not a fortune teller, and neither am I. You will get out of this process what you put into it. If you are going to do this, I encourage you to write down your intentions for yourself and the process every day so you can map out over time where you started, where you intended to go, what you hoped would happen, what you discovered, what did and did not work for you, where you ended up on your personal journey, and—this is the most important thing of all—what you learned about yourself in the process. The Bible is full of ancient wisdom and insight into the mysteries of God and how those mysteries may be at work in your life. Using this format and the method I’ve laid out for you here is one way to glean that wisdom and immerse yourself in those mysteries. It is very important that you understand this: I am not a guru and this book is not a magic formula. The Bible is not a science book, and only provides a very limited view of a very specific history of a very specific group of people. Parts of it are historically accurate, but most of it adheres to the old adage that “history is written by the winners.” This is very important for you to remember when you read books like Leviticus. Here’s the only Bible commentary and advice I’m going to give you for reading the Bible using this guide: Leviticus is a book that outlines how Moses created more than six hundred ways to not break the Ten Commandments. Leviticus provides us with a snapshot of the social mores and morals of the Hebrew people at that moment in their cultural development. It is not a guide for how to live our lives to win favor with an angry god. There are other books in the Bible that are full of genocide, murder, rape, slaughter, pillaging, and all manner of other traditional practices from that time that no civil society has continued to practice in at least a hundred and fifty years, and in some cultures even longer than that. If you find yourself reading something in the Bible that contradicts the law or your own moral conscience, remember that these are stories about people who lived two thousand to three thousand years ago, and they are not meant to be a textbook or provide a checklist for how to live your life. Behave in your own life as federal, state, local, and laws and your own moral conscience dictate, and take what you’ve read in the Bible with a grain of salt when it comes to interpreting “the meaning” of ancient stories about battles and genocides resulting from a Hebrew prophet’s interpretation of what he believed God was telling him to do. Even if God did tell him to do it, that’s what God was telling him to do; not what God is telling you to do today. That’s enough for now, and more than enough to get started. If this is something you’d like to do, I’ll see you in the Facebook group and we can discuss what we’re learning.
OK Boomer Ceilon Aspensen, November 22, 2019January 2, 2022 I shared this article on Facebook this morning, because it’s a topic that is near and dear to my heart at the age of fifty-five. I immediately racked up several comments in response to this post rationalizing “OK Boomer” as “not that big a deal,” or defending the entire millennial generation from a perceived attack on the entire millennial generation (it isn’t–it’s about a specific form of disrespect and age discrimination). Ageism and age discrimination is such an enormous problem–perhaps now more than ever before–that I wrote an academic paper about it a few years ago. That paper has been read in over 35 countries and used as reading material in university CRT and Women’s Studies classes around the world, multiple times. I even had a professor from California call me and ask if it would be OK for her students to email me with questions about it for her “CRT and Feminism” class because it is such a huge problem, especially for women. Men experience age discrimination, too. However, they experience it far less than women, according to multitudes of studies. (Google it.) If you are dismissing this as a non-issue you are misguided and therefore part of the problem. Everyone should be taking it seriously. Quite frankly, I am disturbed that this has been so quickly dismissed by so many people, especially since it is a clear violation of the laws against age discrimination. Additionally, for those who think that millennials are equally as marginalized by dismissive remarks: It may be rude and inappropriate to make such dismissive remarks, but youth has never been a disadvantage in the workplace or anywhere else. However, ageism and age discrimination in the latter half of the 20th century, and now in the early 21st century, are enormous problems for people as young as forty, and worse for those who are older. To be clear, no one should be making rude, dismissive remarks to millennials, nor broad generalized remarks that demean their entire generation, either. But it’s not age discrimination, because it does not affect their employability nor their upward mobility on the job. Youth is not a handicap in American society; on the contrary. In a society that worships youth, millennials do not need any added advantage in the work place in the area covered by this article and laws against age discrimination. But that doesn’t mean that it’s okay to malign or dismiss them, either. However, anyone over forty is at an exponentially increased risk for falling victim to age discrimination, and that’s backed up by solid research and hard data. Phrases like “OK Boomer” are both a symptom of and contributor to the problem.
Things teachers need parents to know that parents don’t want to hear Ceilon Aspensen, November 21, 2019January 22, 2024 As a public school teacher who has been dealing with other people’s children all day, every day, since 2006, I read a lot of articles about brain science, cognition, psychology, and human development. This morning I read this article from Psychology Today on why teens today have so much anxiety. It came across my Facebook page from a page for teachers that I subscribe to. The article is several years old, but I was struck by how it could have been written today–it continues to be an issue, and even an escalating crisis. I can’t tell you how many times a day I have to tell students to put their phones away, and even confiscate students’ phones because of repeat offenses. In my classroom I have a Cell Phone Motel (“Put your phone to sleep at the cell phone motel”) where students are required to put their phones at the beginning of the class. It’s a clear, hanging shoe rack. I get the transparent one so they can see from across the room that their cell phone is still there, and not experience anxiety about not having their phone on their person. If they choose not to do it (most of them do choose not to do it), if their phone rings during class, or if they are caught using their phone during class, I cite them for a cell phone violation. It is clearly stated in our student handbook that cell phones are only to be used by students before and after school or during lunch. There is an escalation list of consequences for repeated cell phone offenses that ultimately leads to ISS (In School Suspension). Besides being a distraction in the classroom because of the usual (texting, games, etc.), cell phones are also a source of trouble for teens that could be completely avoided if they would ignore their phones in class as they should: bullying, “Mean Girls” type stuff, etc. Quite a few of my students are frequently in tears and have to leave the room because they managed to sneak a peek at their phone while I was helping another student only to find a bullying text that sends them into an emotional downward spiral. Putting these girls back together and getting them back on task after an incident like that takes the cooperating effort of teachers, admins, and the student’s friends. It also derails lessons and the ability of the student to get any work done. Teachers and admins not only expect parents to enforce our cell phone policies, but we count on it. Unfortunately, 99.9% of the time the parent is the student’s accomplice and enabler in the cell phone department, undermining our instruction as well as their child’s ability to cope in school and the classroom. Because this problem only continues to get worse and not better, I am beginning to lean toward the “ban cell phones in school altogether” camp. My phone goes in my desk drawer when I’m teaching. There’s no reason in the world the students need to have their cell phones in their hands all day, and a million reasons why they shouldn’t, academically and emotionally. All parents who allow their children to have their cell phones at school should read this article. Do yourself, your child, and your child’s teachers a favor and set solid ground rules for their cell phone use. Don’t just explain to them the reasons–model the behavior for them. You could have your teenager read this article and he’ll have a thousand reasons it doesn’t apply to him, because teenagers do not have the higher reasoning skills at this age that allow them to see themselves objectively. If you are counting on your child to discipline themselves then you are setting them up for failure–they simply aren’t physiologically or emotionally able to do it at that age. And consider your own behavior with your phone. What are you modeling for your child? What’s good for the student is good for the parent, in this case. That’s not always true, but where cell phone use is concerned it absolutely is. Many children grew up around parents who both had their phones in their hands all the time, and based on what you modeled for them they probably think that’s how things are supposed to be. Again–do yourself and your child a favor and change your own behavior with cell phone use. Model for them what you want them to do. It’s never too late to make this kind of course adjustment. You and your child will both reap the benefits of making such a positive change.
Normalizing our experiences through kinship with strangers Ceilon Aspensen, November 19, 2019January 2, 2022 I read this story on Humans of New York this morning and was reminded that this is similar to how I feel about my dad, now. Same sort of “monster” feeling when he was in the house when I was a child, for many of the same reasons. But I loved him. And now….well….now he’s not quite helpless, nor curled up in a ball, but I am sure he never meant to grow up to be what he became, either. And one day he will be helpless, but I won’t be there. This makes me very sad, but there’s nothing for it–it’s what he has chosen, and it’s very unfortunate for both of us. I appreciate stories like these, other people’s stories about things similar to my own experience, because they normalize our experiences, and remind me that I am not the only one in the world who has been through this kind of thing. This makes me feel less lonely, even though I don’t know this man. But I feel a kinship to him and to all the other people with this shared experience. Life is good, and I am grateful.
Being humbled and learning to be humble Ceilon Aspensen, November 11, 2019January 22, 2024 “Only the humble soul can be led. Only the humble soul is coachable. Only the humble soul can truly advance in the spiritual life.”–Matthew Kelly I have had five extremely humbling years. It has been a very good experience for me. Notice I didn’t say it was enjoyable. It’s been a lot of Hell, really. But it was good to have had these experiences that brought me to my knees, broke my leg, caused me to re-evaluate things, rearrange priorities, and set new goals. Don’t shun the “negative” experiences. The practice of Zen has taught me that all experiences have something to teach us, regardless of whether they seem “good” or “bad.” Alan Watts taught us, with his “game of black and white,” that we have no way of even knowing what good is without bad, or what bad is without good. It’s all revealed within the context of the universal field of opposites. It takes knowledge of one to know the other. Whether you find being humbled or being humble a good experience will depend on the context. None of us enjoy being humbled, but most of us appreciate a person who is humble. A person who is humble knows their limits, usually because of having had some humbling experiences. A person who is humble is usually kind because of this. Life is good and I am grateful.
When the pain of NOT doing something becomes greater than the pain of doing it Ceilon Aspensen, November 7, 2019January 22, 2024 On June 8th, 2018, I fell off my bicycle and broke my leg into five pieces. My leg broke at a clean angle across the upper tibia and fibula, and my upper tibeal plateau broke into three triangular pieces. The break was so bad that when I was checked into Benefis Hospital in Great Falls, Montana awaiting the surgery required to piece me back together, the nurses, CNAs, and other attendants who frequented my room kept initiating this conversation: Them: “Wow! That’s bad! How did you break your leg?” Me: “I fell off my bike.” Them: “What kind of motorcycle do you ride?” Me: “It wasn’t a motorcycle. It was a bicycle.” Them: “You must have been going fast!” Me: “No. I was just stepping off. The bicycle was barely moving.” Stunned silence. That accident has seriously interrupted and changed my life for going on two years, now. Me preparing for my first actual ride on my Biria Easy Boarding bike. I had already become overweight from years of public school teaching, a job which can cause you to neglect yourself because of the ridiculously long days and continuous demand to respond to the urgent needs of children and other emergencies regularly created by circumstances beyond your control. Ironically, I had already decided months earlier that I was going to stop neglecting my health and ride my bicycle every day and everywhere that summer. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in April of 2015, and it has become harder and harder for me to swing my leg over the back of my bicycle. I had gotten in the habit of laying the bike on the ground, standing over it, then lifting it upright between my legs, because it was so hard to mount with the arthritis. So I decided to get a Biria Easy Boarding bicycle, the lowest-clearance center-mount bicycle in the world. I had just gotten my bicycle, spent two days assembling it, and had ridden it for two days and, LOVED IT! I had also been riding my regular bike to school and back for a month at that point, so I had been getting some good exercise. Add that to my usual 10,000+ steps/day and I was reasonably fit for being overweight, and I was not out of practice on the bike. The EB Easy 7, the most popular model. I got the yellow one! However, on day three I got a bit too ambitious, went a little too far, took on a hill that was a little too steep, wiped out my quads so that they were giving me no support, and when I stepped off my bike my leg completely gave way and hyper-extended. I had only been out of school for a week and my summer was GONE. If you are a teacher, or if you are closely associated with teachers, then you KNOW how terribly devastating it would be to have your summer of outdoor recreational fun all lined out and then have that snatched away in an instant because of an accident. I spent the next nine days in the hospital, had surgery (bolt through the upper tibeal plateau, external fixator bar installed), and arranged for the convalescent equipment I would need once I got home. I was fortunate to have bought a house and moved into it just two months before that was already ADA outfitted. My bathroom is the second largest room in my home with plenty of room to cruise around in a wheelchair. It has a walk-in shower with grab bars, grab bars around the toilet, and doors that easily accommodate the width of a wheel chair. My house even has a porch lift for a wheel chair. We had been planning to take all of that out and remodel. After the accident we decided that it would be stupid to take it out, and it’s going to remain exactly as is until after we move on to another house (which will be ADA outfitted–all homes should be ADA outfitted, because you never know what is coming down the road, and it’s better to be prepared; it’s also nice to be able to accommodate guests who require ADA accommodations). I’m a positive person and live my life by the law of gratitude. I held it together emotionally, stuck my chin out, put on a stiff upper lip, and decided that I was going to stick with my weight loss plan regardless of the accident. I had planned to do it riding my bicycle. Now I was just going to have to do it counting calories, since I couldn’t walk. So I counted calories. I lost 37 pounds just counting calories over the next 12 weeks. Then school started. Then other stressful things happened. Then the avalanche of unhealthy life situations just kept on rolling. I gained the 37 pounds back, and haven’t been able to get it off since. A few weeks ago I made some really good choices about rearranging my life so that I’m not set up to fail at health, happiness, or achieving my goals. It was long past time for me to do so. I immediately felt better. I’ve also finally gotten to a place where I feel no remorse when saying “no” to other people’s demands on me. I’ve returned to a healthy sleep cycle, healthy food choices, healthy scheduling changes, and healthy psycho-spiritual practices. Just this morning I finally found an online video exercise program that I not only can do, but am willing to actually do. My husband joined me and enjoyed it, too. So, what changed? It’s simple, but also not so simple: the pain of not doing things that are good for me became more painful than continuing in these unhealthy patterns. I was angry all the time, irritable, frustrated that I couldn’t do the things I want to do, resentful that my time was being usurped by the needs of others, which always seemed to be more important and urgent than my own needs. I just decided to prioritize myself. I am 55 years old, and I finally decided to prioritize myself. Something is different, now. I can’t quite put my finger on it yet, but I will attempt to do so in the coming weeks as I continue to choose myself and my own priorities over others for a while. Stay tuned and we’ll figure it out together. Life is good and I am grateful.
Finding the joy when you’re under stress Ceilon Aspensen, November 6, 2019January 22, 2024 Experiencing joy when things are not going our way is easier said than done, but essential on the path to enlightenment and mindfulness. If you find you are too stressed out, feeling like a pressure cooker, and you can’t find the way to “joyful,” (a situation I found myself in recently), do this: 1) Allow yourself to feel your feelings deeply, consciously, and fully; no matter how intense or “bad” those feelings are. 2) Follow those feelings like breadcrumbs and try to trace them to their source. What is causing you to be so stressed out, angry, or sad? Usually, it’s not what we think it is (the person or situation irritating us at the moment). Usually it is something we are doing to ourselves, a situation we have placed ourselves in, a relationship or association we don’t want to admit is not healthy for us… The road to joy is down that path, where we can excise the situation, then turn around and head in a new direction, leaving not only the situation but the pain/stress/anger/sadness behind. If you can’t “follow your bliss,”* then follow your stress, figure out what’s causing it, and fix it. Life is good and I am grateful. —————————– *Joseph Campbell quote.
Patience in a moment of anger Ceilon Aspensen, November 5, 2019January 22, 2024 I wish I were better at taking a breath and being patient in a moment of anger, and I wish I remembered to do it more often. I was angry a LOT in 2019. But my anger showed me where to look for what was causing me to feel that way, and it helped me make some appropriate and positive adjustments. Thank you, anger. Life is good and I am grateful.